Fireflies - Phan
by isthisjustphantasy
Summary: Phan - When it's too dark to see, all you really need are those little lightning bugs to see clearly again. Little lights that can change a life in ways Phil can only dream of. A cowrite with the lovely TheUntoldTales - go check her out she's incredible! We had a lot of fun (and insanity) writing this so it would mean a lot if you could read it and let us know what you think.


Fireflies.

Tiny creatures dancing around each other, darting off the surface of the lake and creating their own little universe in the still water with the reflection of their small lights. Stars made of yellow, green and a pale red forming milky ways and constellations that only some could see. Their little dance was hidden far beyond the trees, far enough that they wouldn't be disturbed too much, yet not enough to never be found. They had their visitors, silent admirers watching their colours and their movements but they let them be. They were often being watched but rarely ever by unfamiliar eyes, yet there were those nights when someone new would find them.

Tonight, was one of those.

Phil's eyes were wide as a fleck of light darted past his face. He stood silent and motionless, transfixed by the side of the water. The lake was black with the night. Its smooth surface was broken only by the ripples of water flies skimming the surface and the lilies that reached towards the sky with folded petals and soft green leaves. Phil started to walk. His bare feet were cool in the soft, springy moss and he was as silent as the fireflies that danced around his head. A tall willow brushed the bank, cascading in waterfalls down towards the water and creating a veil over a group of tiny, dancing lights that could only be more fireflies. Phil smiled. The dark velvet of the night cast everything into shades of black and grey but where the fireflies danced all was bright. Tiny orbs of light bouncing off the vibrant green of the trees; dipping and diving through the brown rushes and over the pink flowers closed in tight yellow buds for the night.

The sight was flat out gorgeous, the combination of colourful nature, even at night, and bright lit creatures creating something Phil thought only existed in fairy tales. It seemed like everything was breathing and moving in harmony, soft breezes moving leaves and fireflies simply dancing. Until they'd found their own the wind was their dance partner, guiding them along and teaching them how to move in order to be part of a whole.

It almost felt like they were celebrating the beginning of summer.

For a few more minutes the boy didn't move a muscle, just staring at the improvised choreography of small lightning bugs. He silently wondered how he'd ended up right here but then maybe he shouldn't question it because he knew he'd wandered mindlessly. And he'd found himself somewhere he could never have imagined even existed.

He didn't know how deep into the woods he was, but it must've been hidden well because everything seemed so unharmed and untouched by human hands. Phil was glad. Some human hands have a tendency to destroy and kill things that they touch or find. Things they don't actually own but make theirs because of the little dollar signs that blind them.

Phil looked into the depth of the lake, not finding even the smallest sign of a bottom and wondering how deep it was, but not giving in to the idea to test it out. He didn't want to disturb the picture that the surface created with the little lights dashing and circling around. His reflection was invisible for most of the time unless a firefly flew past his face.

The magical feeling and sight of everything all together almost made him forget the reason he had started a walk to somewhere undecided. Almost.

The situation at home seemed to melt into the darkened undergrowth. Vanished into oblivion to never be returned. It felt a bit strange, but it was the good kind of strange. Angry screams were replaced by buzzing wings. Slamming doors by the sound of the wind. The replacements were better than he'd hoped for.

Phil sat down onto the soft ground slowly, near enough to the edge of the lake to look into it but far away enough not to touch it. His legs were crossed and his eyes were closed soon enough. Knowing that places like this existed not so far from home made him wonder what other magic had been destroyed to build the town.

When his eyes opened again one of the little lights had decided to rest on top of his knee, flashing on and off several times before flying off again. Phil tried to follow it with his eyes but he soon lost the little bug between the hundreds of others. They didn't seem to be afraid of him, instead considering him a friendly creature not intending to hurt them.

Phil laid back, pulling his knees up and staring up at the sky. Actual stars that shone brightly, hanging still in the black sky and shown with all their beauty because there were no town lights that outshone them.

He had long ago gotten the feeling that he'd lose track of time because he didn't bring a phone or a watch, but now that he lay there he was sure he'd lost it completely. He couldn't tell time by where the moon was in the sky so it could be anytime between dusk and dawn.

Not that it actually mattered though, because he had no intentions of leaving anytime soon. He was too mesmerized. Too comfortable. It felt like some kind of home.

The first rays of orange and yellow filtered down through the night all too soon. The stars disappeared out of the sky and the lights of the fireflies faded but remained for a few more moments until the sunlight became too bright. Little by little the tiny bugs disappeared completely and the sound of their buzzing wings was replaced by the melodic songs of the birds that hid during the night.

The thought of getting up never once struck in Phil's mind but he knew for sure that he wanted to memorize the path to the lake and every living thing that lived around there.

Nobody wants to lose their way home, right?

* * *

x

* * *

Time passed.

* * *

x

* * *

"Where are we going? I can't see anything!" Dan's eyes were wide as they squinted into the darkness.

"It's okay, it's not much further I promise." Phil turned to smile at his best friend but frowned. Dan was struggling through the long grass and feeling blindly into the night.

"You really_ can't_ see." Phil murmured as Dan crashed straight through a hawthorn bush, almost losing his balance.

"I guess I didn't eat enough carrots." Dan said sarcastically. "How are you just skipping along?! You're supposed to be the blind one! And anyway-" Dan was cut off as he walked head first into a thick tree trunk and swore loudly, massaging his forehead.

Phil tried to muffle a snort. "I know this path like the back of my hand. And yes there is a path, you just keep wandering off it." He rolled his eyes. "Come on, take my hand. You'll be able to see once we're out of the trees."

Dan took Phil's hand grudgingly, grumbling under his breath as he felt his way gingerly back onto the path.

"It's okay, we'll go slowly. I won't lead you into any marshes." Phil grinned, giving Dan's hand a quick squeeze.

"No I know you won't." Dan said quietly, falling into step just behind Phil and clinging to his hand.

They walked slower now, their footsteps so soft they faded into the silence of the night.

The trees were starting to thin, the first hints of starlight filtering down through the branches and onto the path in front of them.

As Dan stared at the back of Phil's head he turned, light glinting off his eyes as he smiled at Dan.

"We're close." He said softly. "It's worth the walk, I promise."

"Okay." Dan said simply.

His voice was hushed, as if entering a sacred place or a museum full of ancient and magical objects. Phil smiled to himself. Dan was feeling it already; the sense of magic and beauty that shrouded this silent vale. The secret. It was hidden, only shared with a few honoured souls. And he didn't even have a clue what the secret was yet, but he could feel the protection.

Phil's hand tightened briefly against Dan's as they reached the edge of the trees.

Dan let out a soft sigh beside him. There were no fireflies here, but the moon shone like a silver galleon ghosting down across the meadow and shrouding everything in silver. Phil grinned as he pulled Dan forward again.

* * *

x

* * *

They walked slowly. Phil wanted to hurry onwards to the lake but Dan was preoccupied, staring upwards in wonder at the stars.

"There's so many." He whispered.

"There always are, you just can't see them because of the streetlamps usually." Phil smiled despite his impatience as he joined Dan, craning his neck up at the black sky.

Only it wasn't black any more. The usual stars were there in bright little clusters and constellations, but behind them there were more, millions and millions more tiny pinpricks of light so close together they created a haze of silver white shimmering against the horizon. Phil could feel Dan slowing down by his side and he was tempted to join him, to lie back in the meadow of daisies just gazing up at the sky, but instead he urged Dan to keep going.

"Come on." He said quietly. "You think this is beautiful? Wait till you see where we're going."

Dan turned his shining eyes to Phil's. He reached out tentatively with his hand, even though the moon was casting plenty of light now, and Phil took it without a word.

They walked in silence, the soft grass brushing their ankles. Dan was staring ahead with a bright glint of excitement and wonderment in his eyes but Phil just walked quietly, lost in the comfort of this place that felt so much like home.

He was brought out of his daze by a tiny gasp from his side. He blinked, staring intently ahead to see what Dan had spotted: the silver reflection of moonlight shimmering on water. A grin started to stretch across Phil's face and he quickened their pace.

The black water was clearly visible now through the rushes. It was a warm summers night so Phil knew the fireflies would be up at the other end of the lake by the trees. With any luck they would be mating now, dancing an ever more intricate dance and maybe even flashing their complicated patterns. Suddenly he had an idea.

"Close your eyes." He said softly. "I want it to be a surprise. I'll lead you, don't worry you won't end up in the water."

Dan hated surprises. But he closed his eyes for Phil without a second's thought.

* * *

x

* * *

Phil lead him slowly, careful not to panic him. He breathed in deeply, the warm yet fresh air feeling familiar in his lungs. They were by the lakeside now and Phil squinted eagerly over the water. A tiny glint of light, spiraling upwards through the reeds then darting down once more.

Phil grinned. Another speck of light glinted across the surface of the water. Phil's grin stretched into a beam and he squeezed Dan's hand.

"What is it?" Dan murmured, his eyes still obediently shut tight.

"Shh. We need to get closer."

Dan turned his face questioningly to Phil's but Phil just tugged him onwards.

The fireflies seemed to be emerging all around them as they walked, as if they were coming out to greet them. A tiny light darted dangerously close to Dan's face and Phil let out a soft 'oh', almost regretting his decision to make Dan blind now. It was as if they were all coming over to see this new creature with their old friend. Phil had been coming here for years and never before had he brought company.

The willow tree was visible now towering over the rest of the shrubbery, and Phil was so glad he'd made Dan wait. There were thousands; more than he'd ever seen before, dancing silently through the leaves that fell like a waterfall down into the water.

He led Dan onwards until they were almost among the branches, taking his shoulders and positioning him so that he was gazing out across the lake. He bit his lip. He wondered if Dan had ever seen fireflies before. Even Phil had never seen them so beautiful or so many dancing so close together and skimming the surface of the water. It was almost too beautiful. Phil felt overwhelmed as if he could cry or just simply fall down where he stood. He wondered what Dan would feel.

"Okay," He whispered. "Open your eyes."

Dan's hand tightened in Phil's. His body went rigid. He didn't make a sound, just stared for a long time. And when he turned his face to Phil there was moisture shining in his eyes.

"Don't cry," Phil whispered, "You'll set me off."

"I'm not crying." Dan murmured fiercely. "There's just a lot of beautiful in my eye."

Phil made a noise that was somewhere between a laugh and a sob and suddenly they were in each others arms, hugging and weeping and laughing and trying to stifle their noise for fear of disturbing the fireflies.

"We're pathetic." Dan grinned as they finally broke apart, wiping his eyes on his sleeve.

"Absolute wrecks the pair of us." Phil agreed, sniffing. "Well? What do you think?"

"What do you think I think Phil Lester. Oh God. It's _too_ beautiful. Way too beautiful. I think I'm gonna cry again..."

"Don't cry. Let's just not say anything and try not to cry." Phil grinned weakly.

Dan nodded, blinking back more beads of moisture as he took Phil's hand again. "Can we walk a little? I want to see it all."

"Of course. I can't believe we're both crying over this. I swear I've never cried before here."

"I think it was all a bit too much for our delicate eyes." As Dan spoke, a firefly whipped through the curls of his hair and then darted in front of his eyes before circling round Phil's head and disappearing over the lake.

Dan was frozen with his mouth still open. Phil smiled.

"They're getting used to you." He said. "Come on. No speaking now, it ruins it."

Dan's face relaxed slowly into a smile and he squeezed Phil's hand, pulling himself close to his side as they set off.

Phil squeezed back. Dan's hand was very warm. It didn't feel weird, to be holding his best friend's hand. It felt like more of an extension of his own arm - he could almost feel the energy running through the connection. It just felt right.

He didn't want to let go.

* * *

x

* * *

The fireflies flickered as they walked. They seemed to be following them, dancing around their heads and massing by the point where their hands joined. Phil wanted to take Dan around the whole lake to make sure he saw everything. That he took in every inch of tranquil beauty. The constellations formed by the reflections on the water; ever changing and dancing like a kaleidoscope of gold and black. The dells and hamlets formed by the river bank that housed yet more fireflies in tiny little colonies. The patch of rushes where the frogs sung to the moon in their croaky, haunting voices. Waterlilies. Ripples on the water. Wind through the leaves. The serenity of the night. And, most beautiful of all, the willow tree. They would come to that last.

"These are better than the stars." Dan said suddenly when they were halfway round.

"They make their own stars on the water. And they're made of stardust." Phil said softly.

"How so?"

"Everything's made from stardust. Well, almost everything. You're stardust. Most of the elements came from exploding stars so everything is made from stars and everything is made under the stars and everything looks up at them in wonder. It's beautiful."

Dan was silent for a moment.

"You're beautiful." He said shyly, "You're made from extra shiny star dust."

Phil looked up at Dan in surprise, before smiling. "No, just normal stardust. The same as in you and in all these fireflies. We're all the same really, it's just how things are put together to make their own kind of beauty. The beauty in you is soft and brown and shining bright, especially when you smile. Your smile is a whole new dimension of beauty."

Dan blushed.

"Whatever dimension I'm in, I hope you are too. You're special. Just like this place, you're like a part of it and a part of the beauty."

"I'm not a part of this place, not really." Phil disagreed. "I'm just a spectator. I'm a part of the eyes that watch, and the fireflies watch me back but they don't take much notice because they're in their own world of beauty."

"Just like you." Dan said softly. "I know you don't believe it, but as your best friend it's my job to always tell you the truth and try to convince you. You're beautiful. And I don't just mean your eyes and your hair and stuff although they really are too. I mean you. You're special. The fact that you're one of the few people ever to find this place. I get the feeling that it could stay hidden if it wanted to. You only stumble across it if they let you, if you're special enough to deserve to see and to experience it's, I don't know, magic. You're special, Phil."

"You're here too." Phil reminded him. "You're just a special. You're the only person I've ever told about this place. Because you're special. You're the best friend in the world, you're like no one I've ever met before. You're like a part of me that I'd just never had before. That's why I brought you here, because this is my special place and I feel like you belong here."

"If we're going full out cheesy and cliche then I'll just say it." Dan grinned. "I kinda love you Phil. Like, you know, in a platonic way obviously. Because like, I don't know you're just so… like you know we're both so.. and we fit together so well and like you do actually complete me sort of and you make me a better person and oh my god-"

"Shhh." Phil whispered, pressing a finger against Dan's lips. "I understand. I feel the same. Now less talking and more walking."

* * *

x

* * *

As they approached the willow tree Phil's heart sped up. He could see the thousands of lights darting amongst the branches illuminating the whole tree with a glow of colour. As he watched, some of the flies by the edge flashed and flickered. They were mating. Phil closed his eyes briefly and smiled. He had only ever seen a full mating night once before, and it was still his most vivid memory of the fireflies besides the first time he found them.

He glanced subtly at Dan to gage his expression. His eyes were wide and fixed intently on the tree.

Phil's smile spread.

They were back where they started but this time they didn't stop by the edge; walking right in amongst the branches and letting the soft leaves brush against their faces. The tree was old and huge, a gnarled trunk completely obscured by leaves until they were inside under the dome shaped canopy. It was like a cave, only this cave was dark outside and brighter than daylight under the shelter.

Phil held his breath. There were more lightning bugs under here than he had ever seen in his life; darting and diving so close together that Phil was afraid he was going to accidentally swallow one if he opened his mouth. As they walked the wall of light parted for them and reformed behind them, creating a cocoon around them like an aura with a halo of bright light above them where the lights had all tried to fly upwards to get out of their way. It was surreal. Phil lifted his arm and the flies moved to let him through, never touching.

"How do they not hit each other, packed in so close?" Dan whispered.

"I don't know." Phil marvelled. "It's incredible. They're just- look! Up there were that branch twists!"

"Why are they flashing?" Dan asked with a gasp. "It's amazing, it's like morse code or something."

"They're trying to attract a mate." Phil grinned shyly.

"Oh. That's so cool, do you think it would work for me? Tie a torch to my arse and flash it at people?" Dan winked.

"You don't need to attract people you do it without trying." Phil laughed.

"Yeah but not the people I really want."

"Oh don't be so picky, Megan is one of the most beautiful girls in the world and she's literally all over you. A million guys would kill to be you." Phil rolled his eyes.

"I know but- I'm not sure it's… Phil, can I tell you a secret?"

The fireflies made it hard to see Dan's face but as Phil squinted they seemed to disperse, creating a space between them and floating upwards into the sea of golden light. A single lightning bug darted between them, tail flashing furiously.

"Of course." Phil said. "I won't tell a soul, you know you can trust me."

As he spoke, another firefly returned the flashing and soon tiny lights flickered all around their heads.

"I think…" Dan bit his lip. "I think I might like guys. I mean like I do like girls I just think I might like guys as well I mean well it's not like all guys just a few. Well, one really. It's weird. I don't know. I just, I've never felt like this with anyone before and I just-"

"Shh." Phil said, pressing his finger against Dan's lips once more.

Dan stared at him, chocolate eyes wide and glinting with the light. Under the glow his skin looked golden and his hair was flecked with auburn and red.

Phil didn't blink. Slowly and gently he pressed his lips against Dan's and entwined his fingers in his hair.

All around them fireflies flashed.

* * *

x

x

* * *

Time passed.

* * *

x

x

* * *

Sapphire's eyes were blue and shining as Phil lifted her into the car.

"Where are we going Daddy?"

"We're going somewhere special."

"But_ where_?"

"It's a surprise!"

"_Da_d where are we going?"

(Dan was Dad and Phil was Daddy, it was a system that seemed to work and somehow suited them. And anyway, Dan sounded more like 'Dad' than 'Daddy'.)

"Daddy said. It's a surprise."

"Novie where are we going make them tell me!"

"I don't know they won't tell me either and don't call me Novie! It's embarrassing. My name is Nova. It's not_ that_ difficult."

"Nova don't be mean to your sister." Dan chastised.

"You're not a teenager yet, you're not supposed to be getting_ moody_." Phil grinned.

"I'm not moody." Nova growled. "And besides I'm_ nearly_ a teenager."

"No you're not. You're_ ten._" Sapphy grinned.

"And you're seven. You're still a_ baby_." Nova retorted.

"Now come on girls. Don't fight, we're on a special day out!" Dan said tiredly.

"It's nearly night time it's not a_ day_ out." Sapphy piped up.

Dan gritted his teeth and started the engine.

Phil grinned at his side and rubbed his back soothingly.

They had been married for nearly eleven years but were still as close as ever. Almost as soon as they'd gotten back from their honeymoon they had thrown themselves with vengeance into adoption. Finally, after three years of paperwork and phone calls, they had gazed into one-year-old Nova's bright hazel eyes for the first time. With crooked little teeth stretched into a wide grin that lit up the room. Her hair fell soft and straight almost to her waist; a darker kind of blonde that was close to light brown. She was perfect.

Three years later they walked into the adoption agency once more, Nova in Dan's arms, and picked up baby Sapphire with eyes so deep and blue that the name had been instantaneous. She had auburn curls and a smattering of freckles across her pale skin. From an abusive broken home she'd never spoken a word to the extent that her carers sadly informed them she was mute, but within the week she spoke her first: Dadda. She was perfect.

They had raised their children as their own and for a while they almost forgot about the fireflies.

But something that means so much to someone can never be truly forgotten; for it was the fireflies that had brought them together in that grotto of light and that had saved Phil so many years ago from a home life that was tearing him apart. They had gone back one night, leaving the girls with Phil's parents, just to check that the fireflies were still there but of course they had stayed till the sunrise, reminiscing and watching the dance. And now it was time to share the magic with two more bright souls.

"Are we going into the woods?" Sapphy chirped.

"Maybe." Dan grinned.

Nova didn't say anything, just stared out the window at the rapidly darkening trees lost in thought.

"Are we there yet?" Sapphire's eyes bore into Dan's beseechingly in the wing mirror.

Dan closed his briefly.

Phil just chuckled. "We're going near where your Dad and I used to live, it's not far now don't worry."

"How far?"

"Not far."

"Yes but _how_ far. You always say soon but you never say _how_ soon."

"Ten minutes maybe."

"Only _maybe_?"

"Yes. Patience is a virtue young Sapphire."

"What's a virtue?"

"Patience is." Dan quipped.

"Shut up Dad, you're so annoying."

"Don't say 'shut up', it's rude. Try 'Please be quiet, you're lowering the IQ of the whole car' instead." Phil winked.

Dan rolled his eyes and Sapphire giggled delightedly.

"Dad's stupid."

"Don't say stupid either. 'Below average intelligence'." Phil shot her another wink over the back of the seat. He could see Nova smiling despite herself.

"Oh stop it Phil." Dan laughed, "You're going to get her in trouble at school."

"I'm teaching her good manners!" Phil grinned.

Sapphy's shrill giggles filled the car and Nova pretended to put her hands over her ears before reaching over to muss Sapphy's hair.

Sapphire caught her hand just in time and pulled her into an awkward over-the-middle-seat hug. Nova smiled.

"We're here!" Dan announced. "Well, we still have a fair old walk I'm afraid. There aren't many car parks in the woods."

"Yey! We _are_ going into the woods!" Sapphy beamed.

"Why are we going in the woods at night?" Nova frowned.

"You'll see." Phil said mysteriously.

"It's an extra special secret." Dan added. "If we show you, you have to promise not to tell anybody. Do you promise?"

Both girls nodded solemnly and Dan smiled at Phil, the familiar light in their eyes. They took a small hand each and set off down the darkened path.

* * *

x

* * *

"It's so dark. I can't see anything at all." Nova complained, clinging onto her Dad's hand with the fear of losing all of them in this darkness.

"You sound like your dad when I first showed him this place," Phil chuckled.

"I don't like this," Sapphire said, making sure to stay close to her Daddy.

"You'll be fine," Phil answered. "I'm sure you'll like where we're going."

"How do you know where to walk?"

"There's a path, you just don't see it. You'll learn where it is when you come here more often."

"They really sound like me." Dan mused.

"Can we finally know where we're going?"

"Just a little bit more of that patience, Sapphy."

"How much more?"

"Five minutes."

"That's too long!"

"Dan, she's really starting to act like you."

"That's not a bad thing!"

After somewhat five minutes both Dan and Phil let go of the little hands and instead put their own in front of two pairs of eyes.

"Hey!"

"We're nearly there," Dan said. "We just want you to see it just when you open your eyes."

"I can keep my own eyes shut," Nova retorted.

"You'll peek," Dan chuckled.

"... No I won't."

"Sure you won't. Then why did you hesitate?"

"I did not."

Making sure the girls didn't trip over anything and made it safely to their destination, Dan and Phil could already see some of the fireflies emerging from a bush or from behind a tree. It wasn't close to the amount they were used to but it meant that they were starting to get closer, and it meant that the fireflies were actually there already.

With every little step they took they could start to see the amount of lightning bugs get higher and after a minute they stood in that all too familiar place once again. They walked a little bit further, closer to the lake and the tree before they took their hands away from their daughters' eyes.

And then they just watched. They watched how Nova's mouth hung open and how Sapphire's eyes grew wide as they saw everything that was familiar to their fathers but completely new to them.

Sapphire giggled when one of the fireflies circled around her head a few times and she eventually chose to follow it around, towards the big speck of light formed by hundreds of the little creatures. She twirled and she laughed between them as she tried to dance along.

Nova's eyes were pointed upwards, to the clear sky and the bright stars, staring in awe at the beauty of it all. She wanted to take off her shoes and lay down on the soft grass and stare at them forever, but before she did she turned to her parents.

"Why are you showing us this?"  
"We thought you two might like it. We've noticed you're always trying to stare up and see the stars from the balcony, and how Sapphy is very attracted to little lights. Besides, it's too pretty not to show you."  
"It is pretty… will we be here more often?"

"As often as you'd like."

And at that Nova smiled, showing her still quite crooked teeth. She let out a short yelp when Sapphy took a hold of her hand and tried to make her twirl with her. Eventually Nova did and they didn't stop until they both dizzily fell to the ground, where they remained for the rest of their stay.

* * *

x

* * *

"Daddy? Dad? How'd you find this place?" Sapphy asks as she rolls onto her side, snuggling into the grass to get as comfortable as she possibly can.

Her parents are seated on the ground not too far away from her and her sister, although Nova was too absorbed into the sight of the stars to notice much of the conversation.

"I just walked somewhere because I didn't want to be home, and after a few years I showed this place to Dad. That's all."

Sapphy pursed her lips for a little bit, wanting to ask why he didn't want to be home but she didn't. Instead she settled for a simple "Okay,".

* * *

x

* * *

After the trip to visit the fireflies both Nova and Sapphire were wide awake. The little argument between the two of them on the way there had been long forgotten and they were still talking about the little flying lights and the clear view of the sky.

At least the girls liked the place as much as Dan and Phil hoped they would.

"They're like a flying pieces of a rainbow that only has three colours!"  
"It does! Have you seen the stars too? They're so bright there. Almost as if they like it better to be there than above the big buildings."

"What are the stars? I know they're small lights in the sky but… what are they?"

"They're fairy lights! Like the ones you hang in the Christmas tree, but instead of a tree they decorate the sky."

"Really?"

"Yeah!"

Dan chuckled a little at Nova's explanation of the stars and Phil simply smiled. Just as they reached home again, the conversation was directed at the two in the front.

"Do we need to go sleep when we get inside?" Nova questioned.

"Can we please watch a movie?" Sapphire continued.

Judging by the time and the activeness of the two girls in the back of the car, both Dan and Phil already knew that they wouldn't be sleeping anytime soon. It was hard enough to get them to bed on a normal day let alone one where they had a lot of fun. So, seeing that it was the weekend, they decided that they could do something fun before the girls really needed to go to bed.

"Alright we can watch a movie. But after that you two promise to go to bed?" Phil asked.

Both girls nodded quickly.

"Okay, what kind of movie do you want to watch?"

"A horror movie!"

Dan and Phil shared a look.

"I don't think that's a good idea…" Phil said with a slight frown on his face.  
"Please?"

"Nova-"

"Please, Dad?"

"Sapphy I don-"

"Pleeeeaasse?"

"No, you're too young. You won't be able to sleep and -"

"We can always give you the puppy eyes."

"Yes! Puppy eyes always work."

"Not this time they won't."

"Don't be so sure, Dan." Phil chuckled. "You have a weakness for those things."

"No, they're not watching a horror movie!"

"Do you think they'd have nightmares after watching Jaws?" Dan asked, holding up the DVD case.

Phil looked at him. "They'll never want to swim in the sea again," he answered, shaking his head. "What's the worst horror movie that we own?"

"House of the Dead?"

"They'll instantly learn about love conflicts and how not to survive when the zombies attack."

"This is a bad idea, Phil."

"It's not my fault you're so weak to puppy eyes,"

As a reply, Dan only stuck out his tongue.

With the lights out and a bowl of popcorn on the table they played the movie, the four of them seated on the couch. Dan and Phil both on one end and Nova and Sapphy in the middle. It didn't matter how horrible the movie was to their parents; Sapphy screamed every time a zombie appeared on the screen and Nova hid behind a pillow every time she saw something that looked like blood.

Neither of the girls complained when their Dad stood up and put on Finding Nemo instead.

* * *

x

x

* * *

Time will always pass, even when sometimes you wish it wouldn't.

* * *

x

x

* * *

Time might as well be the strangest thing to exist on earth. Millions of people firmly believe that it's something that's measured in years, months, weeks, days, hours, minutes, seconds and things that are even smaller than that. But is that really what matters when you're happy?

When you have that bright smile plastered on your face almost continuously, when you feel like the earth is finally spinning around you instead of against you, trying to knock you over, time is the most insignificant thing you can imagine. Yet, because it doesn't seem of any import, it flashes by you without much notice. Before you know it years, decades have passed and they're just gone, all of it left in memories that slowly fade away no matter how much you want to keep them. And the ones that do remain are the ones that you hold close because they still occasionally make you smile, and sometimes maybe because it's all you have left.

In Phil's case it's because he doesn't want to forget their story. He wants to memorize every chapter, every sentence and every word of what happened but pages are slowly being ripped out and they're gone. The ones that are still there are the one he holds on to tightly even though pieces of it have been torn off. He's getting old and it's something natural. His memories are slowly withering away but he wants to be there until the very last is taken from him.

He still remembers the silent walks to the library to pick up another book to read. He remembers meeting his first friend when he clumsily knocked over the shelves filled with sweets in the store. He remembers finding fun in talking with him, spending time with him whenever he could, playing video games and doing all kinds of crazy but hilarious stuff. He remembers showing him a place he'd found so long ago and that felt like another home. He remembers a kiss, a silence, a laugh and a tight hug. He remembers getting married to that same beautiful boy. He remembers the letter that said their request for adoptance was approved and that they were allowed to adopt a child. He'd never forget his face when he read the good news and his face when he held their first daughter, or the face he had when he held their second.

He could never forget the memories of his family, his very own family that he was determined to make different than the one he lived with when he was younger. Nova's first steps and Sapphy's first words. Their first day of school. Learning them how to cycle which caused a lot of injuries combined with silent sobs and giggles from the one that had fallen into a pond or the damp grass. Showing both girls that mesmerizing spot with the fireflies and the lake that still was his second home and that would forever be.

Because of that, it was probably the most logical spot for him to be at so many years later, remembering all that and so much more, like how their little girls grew up, fell in love, got married and moved out. It was sad but it was happy because it meant that when they would be as old as Phil is now, they could smile when their loved one is gone and when the kids have moved out. They'll have something to hold on to just like he does now.

Right now, Phil stands near the lake again, watching a whole new generation of lightning bugs dance along with the wind. Yet the glowing creatures greet him like the old friend that he is. It's like they were told that he was friendly and someone that often visited, that they just knew who he was simply because their parents told them so.

So Phil is greeted by several bugs dashing in front of his glasses, lighting up his face only for seconds and Phil smiles. It's like, in all those years, the place never changed. It was still left untouched by people hungry for money, the tree was still there and there was still an ever moving universe visible in the still lake. He could still clearly hear Sapphy's laughs and giggles when she twirled around between the fireflies on the day him and Dan first showed their daughters the place. How her deep blue eyes darted around the place with curiosity.

He remembered Nova's silence as well, as she looked up at the sky with fascination for the clarity of the night sky and the bright stars that still couldn't be outshone by citylights.

_"Why are you showing us this?"_  
_"We thought you two might like it. We've noticed you're always trying to stare up and see the stars from the balcony, and how Sapphy is very attracted to little lights. Besides, it's too pretty not to show you."_  
_"It is pretty… will we be here more often?"_

_"As often as you'd like."_

And that was a promise that remained. The girls had learnt from their parents to not tell everybody about this place but to only speak of it to the few they trusted with all their hearts; but they always talked about it to each other.

They visited the lake every weekend, even when they grew into young adults and moved to university. Even up till the day Nova got engaged and even for years after Sapphire got married. Though sometimes Phil still went alone, like today. The girls were probably both working now as it was a weekday and anyway Phil needed to be alone with his thoughts for a while.

As he walks the path so familiar now he closes his eyes. He can see Dan beside him, so young and scared as he gazed into the darkness and stumbled over tree roots. Phil grins. He'll have to remind Dan of that, and the tree he'd walked into. He opens his eyes briefly. Yes, there it is. Just as it always has been. He can almost feel Dan's hand warm and firm in his own.

Phil slows a little now. They're nearing the edge of the trees, young Dan and he. Dan is quiet and hushed as the familiar sense of sacred secrecy washes over them. Starlight twinkles down through the canopy and falls across Dan's face. Phil smiles at him. The ethereal silver shines against Dan's hair and glints off the warm brown of his eyes; open wide and shining as he smiles back at Phil. They walk onwards, hand in hand, to the edge of the trees.

Dan stops in wonderment and stares up at the stars; and as he does, Phil opens his eyes. He gazes up as Dan had so many times before, a soft smile playing across the edge of his lips. He raises a weathered, wrinkled hand slowly and painfully to his lips. His bones seem to creak and the arthritis in his hands protests loudly as he presses a kiss to his fingers and blows it up into the night sky.

"You were made of stardust Daniel Howell." He whispers, his voice hoarse. "And now you're amongst them at last."

And, with his eyes closed once more, he can see Dan smile.

* * *

x

* * *

After what might have been a long time but seemed like nothing at all to him, Phil moves on. He walks through the meadow with the soft grass brushing his ankles, only this time it's just one pair of feet padding silently through the night. The lake is glistening still and black as always; and the rushes sway with the soft sigh of the wind. It reminds Phil of the sound of Dan's gentle breathing beside him on the pillow.

He'd passed away roughly a year ago when his heart failed and his lungs breathed their last breath.

Phil could never decide what was worse; watching him die quietly by his side or the funeral full of weeping figures that barely knew him. They'd asked him to 'say a few words' but it had felt like syllables were incapable of forming and he stumbled endlessly. Though he wasn't the only one who struggled. Sapphy was mute once more, refusing even to open her mouth, sapphire eyes brimming with tears.

* * *

x

* * *

Phil still visits whenever he can, sometimes alone and sometimes with Sapphire and Nova. Just so he can remember in silence with that small smile on his face. Even after all this time it still feels like coming home, only now he's not coming to an empty house. He's coming home to Dan.

If Dan is anywhere, he is here. Amongst the stars and the fireflies and the night.

* * *

x

* * *

Phil is happy. Even though his husband and best friend has passed on and his daughters aren't there all the time anymore; in moments like this he feels like the luckiest person on earth.

He lived a life some could only dream of.

* * *

x

* * *

Dawn is breaking. Phil knows the instant the first songbird calls into the night. A night which is no longer black but a subtle shade of grey; the fireflies starting to dwindle. Phil is heading home, his tired legs carrying him onwards with a stiffness in his right hip that wasn't there before.

Phil is okay. But he doesn't want to leave. He doesn't want to return to an empty house and a cold bed, with the hope of maybe a cheery but brief phone call from Nova in the evening. But he knows that the lake in the woods will always welcome him home into Dan's warm arms. He carries on for these nights.

As he passes through gate he notices a sign on the fence that he hadn't seen on the way. It's small and white and inoffensive and the plain black text reads:

_Land acquired for construction of ASDA supermarket and car park._

As Phil reads over and over again, rain begins to fall from the stars like tears.


End file.
